BEHOLD. It is the coveted KEY TO THE ARG. It is said that this KEY can unlock ANYTHING. This holy relic was once used by BEERD BEEKMAN himself to lock away the horrors that were RANDY DAVIS after the HOLY WARS against the SHAVEN ONES.

You now hold a great amount of RESPONSIBILITY in your hands. It is a question scholars have been asking for centuries, should any mere mortal hold such power? Can anyone fathom the unquestionable might that is the power of a GOD? Surely this boon will be of vital importance to y-

"What a weird guy. I don't want his key. It smells weird. Please don't litter, sir," you yell the last bit out the window.

He doesn't seem too happy.

If only you would have payed attention to your mother's stories when you were a child, maybe you would have remembered that the very same key you threw back was the KEY TO THE ARG. You don't know that though, so you just smile like an idiot.

Now you have NO KEY to try on ANYTHING.