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Andy Spiff
Huh. Your name is ANDY I guess. Kind of a lame name but alright.
What is your favorite hobby, Andy?
Wolfcat: "Creating and listening to musics"
ARGdov: "eating massive bowls of chili with your toy ponies"
Yes, these both have been known to be things you enjoy, especially all at one. It is a good thing you brought prized collection of toy ponies, chili spices, and rare musics to enjoy, now to proceed back to your spaceship and...
Wait wait, yes, all your cool stuff is in your spaceship. Where was it again?
ARGdov: "right above you, stupid"
CircleHunter: "behind that weird outhouse"
It does not appear to be there
Oh? an out house you say?
ARGdov: "knock on the door and scream to see if that wakes up any occupants that may be inside"
Lol okay noob, knock then.
ADULT_LINK: "look through the hole in the door"
It's pretty dark, but you make an attempt...
AH FUCK
Dawn of a New Day: "Wield one of those weird floating "C"s as a self defense weapon."
Okay so here's thing thing, you really want to, but the last one was so many panels back now. Like, one whole panel!... Actually, hold on.
Just... giveme... hold on... ah.
Okay! We have the thing. What now?
CircleHunter: "use it to pry open the outhouse"
Jos: "try open de door with that you say? Use the JOJO POWER TO RIP IT OPEN CARAJO"
lol it open
Since the area ahead seems to be very menacing, I suppose it's time to introduce our story proper.
You are ANDY SPIFF, you collect TOY PONIES, make a world class BOWL OF CHILI, and curate a LARGE LIBRARY OF OBSCURE AND/OR NOVELTY MUSIC. You are a planetary delivery boy, delivering packages from THETAZON, an all-consuming galactic corporation that will sell literally fucking anything. Right now you are lost though because you can't remember where or why or how here be.
ARGdov: "check your handy reminder-minder device to see who you need to deliver this stuff too. while doing that, check out this weird looking outhouse, the inside looks surprisngly massive"
Okay you can't read this but you feel like you should be able to. Hmm.
Dawn of a New Day: "Wonder why your blackberry phone doesn't say blackberry at the top. Wait, didn't these things only have a 30-second charge? Anyhow, ask the outhouse dude who the king is."
Blackberry? No, no no, this is your THETAZON standard issue *P*ersonal *E*vironmental *N*avigator v 15, or PEN15. This handy little device can tell you seemingly almost anything given that enough brain power and desperation is thrown the device's way. It is supposedly run on the actual power of frustration. It's kind of like the Hitchhiker's Guide, if only much less useful. But now that you remember what it is, and your supposed alien language needed to read it, maybe it can provide some help after all.
Dense: "Were is the package?"
Well right here in your inventory, of course.
ARGdov: "put away the damn PEN15 and ask the man in the outhouse where the fuck the king is if theres no man in the outhouse, go inside to explore, if there's not much there, keep exploring the landscape so you can get some sense of where to go"
So pushy!
But you do make the first strides into the outhouse, strange object in hand, and dare to peek around... although you don't see much but darkness. This is quite a bit more spacious than you would've guessed for a small structure built for shitting in.
Wolfcat: "Call out into the darkness to the strange man you saw earlier. Wield the strange object like an assault rifle to increase intimidation if needed"
You head deeper into the poobyrinth, calling out for the man you thought you saw earlier, now wielding your... object, like a revolver or smg, or whatever. You don't know anything about firearms. No answers are given in the distance, so you put on the scariest face you can muster in case he tries a sneak attack or something.
ARGdov: "ok cool, now use it to do some DEEP DIVE EXPLORING. lets see what the FUCK this place looks like"
As you explore more, now with the aid of light, you eventually come across a door. It's the first one you've seen... there also seems to be distant light coming from your right side.
Wolfcat: "Check out the light coming from your right. Also be careful not to get a splinter."
Jos: "check the light FROM a distance, for security"
Dawn of a New Day: "You're lying to yourself; this is the second door you've seen, the first was the outhouse door you entered from. As penance for your sin, dive headfirst into the light from your right."
YOU HAVE AN OVERWHELMING SENSATION TO CHECK THE LIGHT TO THE RIGHT OF YOU. During which time, however, the unthinkable happens...
00021
Mugen: "Really wish I was using the SHARDIS, shame the POWERS THAT BE are worried it will cause reality to break."
Mugen: "This fool, Spiff... when will he realize I'm trying to help him?"
Wolfcat: "Hop inside your trusty ship"
ARGdov: "ignore the big ass camera behind you and go in your spaceship"
You are more than eager to do just that. Extremely eager even. Actually, holy fuck, calm down ANDY. Hey... ANDY? Oh my god. He's too excited to get his material possessions back. Please, someone help. No, I'm serious! Help us! THE STORY WILL NOT CONTINUE UNTIL HE STOPS LOSING HIS GRIP ON REALITY! BRING HIM BACK!
ADULT_LINK: "is that a SNES? what games you got, could come in handy to know later. "
That's correct, you do own a SUPER NINTENDO. These things are illegal on nine planets and in six alternate dimensions, but you remember picking one up one Urf when you were a kid. Your parents got it for you and insisted that you only enjoy the soft aesthetics of fishing games. Except for that one game that came with it, but that game sucked; it didn't even have any fishing!
ARGdov: "Ok so, lets take over Mugen for a second, and stop being Spiff. Mugen, go down to where Spiff is and SMACK SOME SENSE INTO HIM"
ARGdov: "Even if Spiff seems pretty sane by the type you get down there, like say, he's meditating or something, SMACK HIM ANYWAYS. IT IS THE ONLY OPTION"
Only MUGEN can handle interacting with MUGEN. It is the universal parallelos conundrum of Mugen and the secrets of the SHARDIS. Or at least Mugen busted into this previous panel, not awaiting his turn, to inform you that. It was imperative, he insisted, and was frankly quite pushy about it and now I feel bad but you know what that's okay it was about him.
Jos: "Suddenly someone appears and calls Spiff gay and then this misterious person dissapears to no be seen again in a near future Spiff will be so confused he will restore his calm"
Damn, I can't believe that guy teleported across dimensions (or whatever) just to call you gay and then yeet back out of existence. Pretty rude.
ARGdov: "ok now your calm, forget that crap about doctor who and shit. now try to blast off in your ship through the cieling, and land outside"
Jos: "Do something like enter your ship"
You snap out of it and decide you've had enough. This delivery can go screw itself, too much weird stuff has happened. You can't even remember where you are, for crying out loud. You grab your favorite horse, pray to a poster of your religion's god, Steve Winwood, and prepare this puppy for space flight!
Next
Some time later...
We find our 'hero', Andy, in his rocket ship, on the way to new frontiers of escapism and understanding, the cosmic journey unfolding before him is a path of danger and trepidations, so we find our hero meditat--- wait, no. He's sleeping. What the hell is he dreaming about? HEY! WAKE UP!
Oh, damn it, will someone help please?