Weenie-Licked | Meat Ouchers

Dawn Of a New Day: "I ran out of toilet paper. You mind doing a bro a solid and handing me that diary?"

Jeffory: "Move the religious Artifacts to the table to make it a makeshift altar, then pray to beerd before it. Get Jeffory to help you do so, as a Knight of the Golden Ass he has ideal praying stats."

Jeffory: "Also open the chest."

chuckles: "look for Zelenal's stories"

chuckles: "also look for his link costume and have Jeff wear it"

I recall many religious debates taking place back on Oldbris - many of them involving Zelenal. That's what some of this stems from.

You read through some of his diary.

"Dear Diary... Some of the higher ups decided to take it upon themselves to break into my personal chest... Apparently they do not trust their very own High Priest enough to hold the artifact, stating that my "lack of care" for it was a threat to national security. As if anyone would ever go through my chest, it was the most secure treasure in Hubris. They tried to wave it off with "It was the will of Beerd", or some other garbage. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this charade of praising that fool... Another incident like this and... I think I might just step back into Equestria for good."

You can't stand to read anymore of this blasphemous garbage.

"Paul."

"WWHAT?"

"Paul quick. I need some paper. I gotta take a space shit."

Some people might ask: 'How does the sun grow an arm and burst through the roof?'

You give the diary to the friendly sun.

"Thanks bro."

You can't imagine how that would be enough paper. Then again, you can't imagine how a sun even shits in the first place. You try not to think about it.

After reading that heretical trash, you feel dirty. To rectify this, you and Jeffory erect a holy alter on the desk of the damned. Jeffory draws a crude picture of Beerd.

I'm not sure who drew that picture of Beerd in the previos panel, I just found it on google.

Some hardcore praising takes place. Jeffory gets really passionate about it, you can't help but applaud his loyalty. Somewhere, from up above, Beerd smiles.

Zel actually makes fanfics. When I was poking fun at him here, it wasn't directed at his actual writing abilities.

You look inside the chest. Inside is a STACK OF FANFICS, a LINK COSPLAY, a UNICORN DOLL, a QUILL, and a MEMO.

You decide to read some of the fanfic with the "RQ" on the cover.

Ugh, it's just more ponies, but in written form. The one country one sounds kinda hot though. You really got a thirst for country girls, you can't deny it. Everyone around you notices you daydreaming about country girls.

"Uh, I'm just thinking about Beerd," you say. They seem to buy it. You wonder if Beerd has a country accent...

You quickly throw the fanfic through the hole in the ceiling and Dawn catches it. It just felt like the right thing to do.

You decide to read the memo in the chest.

"Due to insufficient precautionary procedures and lack of professionalism, the mask placed under your care has been moved to the castle basement. You are hereby stripped of your "Imperial Treasurer" title.

PS. Don't put an ancient artifact next to your cosplay and fanfics man, come on."

Well, no treasure here. But you found something perhaps more valuable... You quickly make Jeffory put on the Link cosplay. He's pretty excited himself.

I'm sure he's a great writer, I was just making Paul getting disgusted at more pony antics.

You tell him it looks good. It doesn't. He knows it doesn't. You know it doesn't. Everyone knows it doesn't. He still goes along with it though. You guess he must be a big fan of this Link guy.